This time last year, I went through a period of feeling unusually tired. No energy. No motivation, just blah. I fell into a bad state of complacency and I was struggling; STRUGGLING to do the bare necessities.
The fridge was empty,
the cupboards were bare,
my car was dirty,
my bedroom was a mess- clothes everywhere.
I had no umphh, and I really didn't care. Naturally, I was going through some tired, unmotivated stuff, but it was deeper than that. Spiritually, I wasn’t well. Mentally, I wasn't well. I was depleted. I was weak. I needed to be renewed.
RENEW (V) - TO RESUME AFTER AN INTERRUPTION.
I had gotten to a brick wall and hit it, every. single. day. I knew I needed to put food in the house, but I settled on take-out. I knew things around me were a mess. I knew I was behind, in more areas than one. At work, I’d sit at my desk and imagine myself taking care of all these necessities once I got off. But when that time came, I went home and everything that I imagined myself doing, was just that, stuck in my imagination. I did nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I wasn’t praying like I should, or doing much bible reading, either. I wanted to, but did I really? Ehh...I’d get to it, or get my dose in bible study or Sunday service.
My spirit was suffering. I was too distracted by nothing to see my self cry. My spirit was down and that manifested naturally and visibly, in multiple areas of my life. I really didn't know what to do. A part of me didn't mind the funk, and another part of me, hated it, and knew it had to go. Since I didn't know what to do, I waited. I waited on direction from God. Whatever that was going to look like. Whatever that meant. I understood the scripture,
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength..." - Isaiah 40:31
To receive what I needed, I had to wait on the Lord. I had to stop going in my own way and relying on myself to do it because that was literally getting me no where. I made up in my mind that I was going to be still and wait on God. While waiting, I prayed at the level I could pray. If only a few words to God in the car or standing in the shower, I needed to get communication going again, because it shut down on my end. God knew it, but he met me where I was and honored my worship. My flesh was weak, but my spirit was willing.
Science believes a cat's purr has self healing efficacy. The range a cat's purr reaches has the ability to mend its own broken bones. My renewal and recovery were heavily weighed on my own actions to heal me. Your renewal and recovery lies within you.
During the wait, I found a song to help me. A song can bring you through a tough time. I would listen to my song at work, blast it at home and in the car. I would hum it, and like a cat, I began to heal my brokenness.
I felt it! I knew it! I was being renewed. I was on my way to resuming after an interruption. I was connected to the Lord again and everything started to be right around me. I went grocery shopping after work and filled the fridge and made a homemade meal. I got my room in order and made it a clean and comfortable space.
My car...well that’s another story. I really don’t think that was tied to this, because weak or strong, I have a hard time keeping my car clean. Let's keep it real.
Life is tiring. Parenting is tiring. Being a friend can be tiring. Loving despite of, can be tiring. Smiling can be tiring. Trusting God’s process can be tiring. Serving God can be tiring. Yes, it can. Doesn’t mean stop serving God or His people, it simply means there are times when being a servant becomes wearisome and a refresh is needed.
Where you are weak, God will make you strong, so understand it is OK to not be OK. Life as we know it can get to a point where everything seems to zap strength and mental psyche. In those moments, remember to have a "but, wait" in your spirit. Waiting is theeeee hardest part, but go through what you have to go through and God will carry you through the rest.
Remain positive and know that you have the power within yourself to heal and renew you. Find a song, read a book, quote a scripture, find what you need to aid in the process. Don't be dismayed. You will renew! You will resume after an interruption. God will show up and He will mount you on wings as eagles.
Hey, I'm carica!
I use my experiences to build faith and help you suckerpunch fear dead in the face to live the life God has designed for you. I'm a coach, consultant, minister, and single mama, too, you can find more right here.